Mayfair

Diary

Minnie Pearl’s Fried Chicken

pearl-minnieFrom its first “Howdee!” in 1968 to its last squawk in 1971, the tale of Minnie Pearl’s Fried Chicken is an odd bird.

The chain was the brainchild of John Jay Hooker, a gregarious Nashville attorney and politician. In 1967, Hooker and his brother and law partner, Henry, watched the skyrocketing profits of Kentucky Fried Chicken and thought, “Surely there’s room for another chicken in that pot.”

To match Colonel Sanders’ trusted visage, they teamed with Opry and Hee Haw star Minnie Pearl. “I figured the public would think it believable that her family had a good fried chicken recipe,” Hooker later said of the cornpone comedienne.

The Hookers sold stock in the new venture for fifty cents a share. Investors included some of Nashville’s most prestigious names – among them US representative Richard Fulton, publishing magnate Bronson Ingram and Tennessean editor John Seigenthaler (who gave a lot of free publicity to the restaurant).

And the Hookers sold franchises across the country by the bucketful. By February 1968, there were plans in place for over three hundred restaurants. Spin-off chains were announced, such as Minnie Pearl’s Roast Beef and Minnie Pearl’s Ice Cream Parlor. When the stock went public, it soared. Three months later, Minnie’s chicken chain was worth $64 million, at least on paper.

That there were only five actual restaurants in operation didn’t seem to worry anyone, least of all the Hookers. A more troubling question concerned the chicken itself. Amazingly, during the frenzied build-up, no one had bothered to figure out a recipe.

Consequently, no two Minnie Pearl restaurants served the same chicken. And with that hit-or-miss approach, a lot of that chicken didn’t taste very good.

Restaurants began to hemorrhage money. By summer 1970, half of the 250 stores in operation had closed. Franchisees scrambled to break leases. By the end of the following year, the last drumstick had been fried.

Hooker, long a distinguished Nashville politician, said he’s spent decades living down the debacle, while Minnie Pearl was embarrassed by the negative publicity right up to her death in 1996.

The Other Apple Store

0903And in the end, they even tried to take the carpet.

The ravenous mob who tore through the Apple Boutique on July 30, 1968 had snatched up everything else, from psychedelic frocks and inflatable chairs to store fixtures and hangers. The prices were certainly right. The Beatles had decided to abruptly end their eight-month experiment in retail with an everything-is-free blowout.

“We came into shops by the tradesman’s entrance but we’re leaving by the front door,” the group said in a press statement. “I suppose what we’re really doing is spring cleaning in mid-summer. The amazing thing is our giving things away. Well, the answer is that it was much funnier to give things away.”

Funnier perhaps, but with the £10,000 of merchandise given away fully subjected to British tax law, this was but the last in a series of whimsical decisions that brought down what Paul McCartney had dubbed the “beautiful place where you can buy beautiful things.”

Why did The Beatles open a shop in the first place? It was partly on recommendation from their accountants. By investing in related businesses, the boys could ease their tax situation. But more than that, they wanted to share their Pepperland-ish sense of style with the world.

“We were all very much like a clique, the people who were aware,” says Jenny Boyd, who was a salesgirl at the boutique and younger sister to George’s wife Pattie. “Part of that awareness did have something to do with smoking pot and trying mind-expanding drugs. There was a real feeling of fellowship and camaraderie and it felt like it was us and them. When The Beatles opened the boutique it was about making that available - some of the fun and the stuff that we’d experienced - to them.”

A Dutch quartet known as The Fool, who’d impressed the Fabs by painting trippy designs on John’s piano and dressing the band’s wives and girlfriends in a kind of Middle Earth chic, was given £100,000 to produce an exclusive line of garments and accessories (that the hippie artistes’ previous shop in Amsterdam, The Trend, had gone belly up because of overspending didn’t seem to worry anyone at Apple). To set the boutique apart, The Fool covered the entire face of 94 Baker Street with a psychedelic mural, finished in time for the opening night party on December 7, 1967. The mural - a three-story bearded mystic floating among moons and stars - defied a warning from Westminster City Council and angered conservative neighbors, who petitioned and had it removed within the month.

“Trying to influence people and doing things like painting the Apple shop was all just part of the teddy boy in us,” recalled George in Anthology. “The teddy boy theme of ‘We’ll show them’ . . . Once we were told we had to get rid of the painting, the whole thing started to lose its appeal.”

From the beginning, the shop was a money pit. Simon of The Fool went on a buying trip to Morocco that turned into an expensive opium holiday, with most of what he purchased later “lost in the post.” He also insisted, against the protests of store manager Pete Shotton, on having pure silk labels woven into all Apple clothing. According to Shotton’s book John Lennon In My Life, when Pete complained to his old Liverpool mate, the response was, “‘Oh, just do it the way he wants. Remember, Pete, we’re not business freaks, we’re artists. . . If we don’t make any money, what does it fucking matter?”

Then there was the shoplifting. Not only did The Fool have to be continually reprimanded for skimming choice items for themselves (they eventually fell out with The Beatles and moved to America to become a singing group), but everyday customers were taking advantage of the shop’s general lack of supervision to help themselves.

Jenny Boyd, who today works for the Cottonwood rehab treatment center in Tuscon, AZ, recalls with a chuckle, “I wouldn’t have got into that bit [shoplifting]. Maybe the manager of the shop would have been involved in that. I was definitely a sort of flower child. I was interested in talking to people and trying to convert them. There was a good friend of mine called Amos who worked there, and Amos and I would find a little bit of hash most days and put it in a cup of tea, and just really enjoy the day.”

By June 1968, the boutique had lost over £200,000. When a newspaper column criticized The Beatles for having turned into shopkeepers, that was the last straw. John and Paul decided to liquidate. But not before the band had their way with the stock the night before (according to Peter Brown in The Love You Make, it was Yoko who grabbed the most, carrying a huge bindle that made her look like an “Oriental Santa Claus”).

The policemen on hand at the closing did finally prevent the mob from prying up the carpet. The next week, the whited-out shop windows became an advertisement for The Beatles’ single of Hey Jude and Revolution. For Apple, it was on to 3 Savile Row and equally money-draining ventures.

If the whole boutique episode seems hard to fathom today, with pop groups being ultra-business-savvy and corporate sponsored, Boyd puts it in perspective: “It was at a time when we felt that anything was possible. We believed in magic. We were so gullible. But in a lovely way, though.”

Urban Woodsman Overdrive

rb-hayesA few days ago, while waiting in a long line at Fido, I was surrounded by beards. And not just beards. But serious late 19th century beards. Rutherford B. Hayes beards. Smith Brothers Cough Drop guy beards. This has been the winter of beards. It’s an odd trend to make a fashion comeback. The trend is so widespread in Manhattan that New York Magazine has given the newly hirsute fellow a catchy name – The Urban Woodsman. So I wonder what’s next? Center-parted hair and waxed mustaches? All I can say is wait until the next time you see me. . .

Pay Cuts

23damon_ca0-articleinlineI was just reading a New York Times article about Johnny Damon. A great ball player, and one I admire a lot. In case you missed the World Series, Damon was a big reason the Yankees won. He batted .364 and in one of the most memorable plays of the post-season, stole two consecutive bases in an amazing heads-up play.

You’d think the Yankees would renew his contract. But they didn’t. They also let Hideki Matsui go, who was the single biggest reason they won the Series. Why? They’re trying to build a younger team. Damon and Matsui are both in their mid-30s. When the Yanks didn’t pony up the required salary for Damon ($13 million is what he made last year), he and his agent Scott Boras went shopping. And the market was chilly. Yesterday, Damon signed a one-year $8 million contract with the Detroit Tigers.

Putting aside that phenomenal amount of money for a moment (a reflection of MLB’s economy), Damon made a good point when he said to reporters, “It’s just like going to you guys and saying, ‘You wrote great stories for us, you worked your tail off, but take a pay cut.’ You’re kind of like, ‘What the heck?’ It’s a little humbling right away. You’re like, ‘Wow.’ You start thinking, ‘Well, is that what they really think of me?’”

In the past six months, two of the magazines I write for have asked me – and all their freelancers – to take a per word pay cut. This is after years of meeting deadlines and delivering well-written stories. When that happens, it is definitely a “What the heck?” moment. While I know that we’re still in the throes of a recession, sometimes I wonder if companies aren’t preying on their employees’ fears about losing their jobs. And with these pay cuts, there wasn’t really room for discussion. The unspoken message was, “If you don’t like it, we can find another ten freelancers who’d be happy to work for us.”

Last week, another magazine, one I’ve been a part of for fourteen years, sent an even more frightening email. Their parent company handed down an ultimatum that basically said, “From here on out, after initial publication of an article, we will own it lock, stock and barrel. No reprint rights, no syndication money, no chance to reuse the material for the writer who created it.” And the whole thing came with a mildly nasty threat to sign by March 1st or else.

Fortunately, the editor of said magazine is making an heroic stand. He’s organized a petition of 173 music journalists (of which I’m proud to be part), including heavyweights like Greil Marcus, Sylvie Simmons and Ben Edmonds, to ask the parent company for at least the right to sit down and negotiate better terms. It was delivered today, so everyone’s holding their breath for a response.

Ball players, writers, whatever your job. If you love what you do, and you’re good at it, it’s only natural to want to be recognized, respected and fairly compensated for it.

Go Tigers. Go MOJO.

Novelty Songs

sm-yes-we-have-no-bananasIt all started with a bunch of bananas. Or rather a shortage of bananas. In 1923, a fungus called Panama Disease had ravaged the harvest of the world’s favorite fruit. Cut to a greengrocer’s in Long Island, where songwriting duo Frank Silver and Irving Cohn stopped for a snack on their way to work. The owner, a Greek immigrant named Jimmy Costas, told the tunesmiths in broken English, “Yes! we have no bananas today.”

Silver and Cohn turned that phrase into one of the most popular songs of the ‘20s, and created a booming industry around the novelty song. Though the genre’s popularity has waxed and waned – and mostly waned in recent years - it lives on in oldies radio playlists and with torch-bearing vets Weird Al Yankovic, Ray Stevens and Cletus T. Judd, as well as brilliant newcomers Flight Of The Conchords.

As the name suggests, novelty songs latch onto something new in the culture – a news story, a slang catchphrase, a dance craze – goose it with humor, then render it into a catchy three-minute bundle. Constructed to have shelf lives shorter than, well, bananas, many novelty songs, from “The Monster Mash” to “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” to “Axel F” (reimagined as the Crazy Frog ringtone smash last year), have survived as goofy perennials. Others, like “Ringo” and “Pac Man Fever” haven’t been so lucky.

Here are ten faves:

“Poisoning Pigeons In The Park” (1959)
Written by Tom Lehrer
Performed by Tom Lehrer

Dr. Demento once called him “the greatest satirist of the 20th Century.” On this bouncy number, Lehrer paints an idyllic portrait of spring, then goes pitch black on couplets like: When they see us coming the birdies all try and hide / But they still go for peanuts when coated with cyanide.

“Monster Mash” (1962)
Written by Bobby Pickett and Leonard Capizzi
Performed by Bobby Boris Pickett & The Crypt Kickers
Chart position: #1

Wannabe actor Bobby Pickett had a knack for impersonations, among them Boris Karloff. On weekends, he played in a cover band. One stormy night, Pickett mixed Karloff with “Little Darlin’”, and “The Monster Mash” was created.

“They’re Coming To Take Me Away, Ha-ha” (1966)
Written by Jerry Samuels
Performed by Napoleon XIV
Chart position: #3

Recording engineer Jerry Samuels had once spent eight months in a psychiatric hospital. Apparently the experience left an impression. This monologue of a man driven insane by his badly behaved dog was demented when played forward. And even more so on the B-side, where it’s recorded backwards!

“Tiptoe Through the Tulips” (1968)
Written by Al Dubin and Joe Burke
Performed by Tiny Tim
Chart Position: #17

With his wobbly falsetto, dippy looks and beat-up uke, Tiny Tim (née Herbert Khaury) was like some intergalactic vaudeville star. This update of a 1929 tune was his biggest hit. Tim later died of cardiac arrest singing it on stage at a benefit in 1996.

“Convoy” (1975)
Written by William Fries and Louis Davis
Performed by C.W. McCall
Chart position: #1

As the CB Radio fad swept the country, one C.W. McCall (Fries’ stage name) lent his drawl to a trucker’s drama loaded full of jargon. “10-4, good buddy” became a national catchphrase.

“King Tut” (1978)
Written by Steve Martin
Performed by Steve Martin & the Toot Uncommons
Chart position: #17

Boy King meets Wild and Crazy Guy. Spoofing the Tutankhamun exhibit that was touring museums in 1978, Martin wrapped every mummy cliché in the book around this hit. Best line: “A condo made a stone-ah.”

“Eat It” (1984)
Written by Weird Al Yankovic
Performed by Weird Al Yankovic
Chart position: #12

Michael Jackson reportedly thought it was amusing enough to grant permission. The first in a long string of charting parody hits for the accordion-playing Yankovic. Produced by guitar slinger Rick Derringer.

“Bowie’s In Space” (2006)
Written by Bret McKenzie and Jemaine Clement
Performed by Flight of the Conchords

After New Zealand’s fourth most popular folk duo receive some counseling from an apparition of David Bowie, they sing this parody tribute. Best line: “I’m jamming out with the Mick Jagger-nauts / Ooh, and they think it’s pretty cool.